Maybe it’s because I announced my pregnancy with a witty screenshot of my (missed) period app and the caption “farting for two,” or maybe it’s because a lot of my friends, family members & social media followers weren’t even aware I had a boyfriend after I’d been dating solely women the last three years, but the most common question I’ve received is “is this a joke?!” While I’m totes flattered people think I have the necessary skills to pull off a fake pregnancy prank, April Fool’s day is a week away, and being pregnant is no laughing matter. Yet…
But to catch some of you up. Yes, I have a boyfriend, and obvi he’s pretty effing awesome. His name is Dakota and he likes to sail. We met in November and I fell in love with him on a December night when he’d forgotten he’d already eaten dinner and ordered six tacos because he was “sooooo hungry.” He’s definitely the beans to my bean & cheese burrito.
Dakota and I went vegan for a week in January, and coupled with his lengthy fertility beard he’d been growing out since we met, one of his “seamen” managed to pirate my uterus. So the babes was conceived during a vegan cleanse. They really should put fertility warnings on vegan labels… And thus began our unplanned, yet very welcomed, pregnancy. My religious sister in the south likes to call it “natural family planning.”
The second question on a lot of people’s minds, at least my old-school southern family’s, “when are you getting married?!” Woah! Slow down, baby Jesus! Although we are very much in love, the new baby is enough of an adjustment for the time being. I told Dakota I’d be open to the idea in three years if it’s a girl, and five years if it’s a boy. That way our little chicken nacho or baby burrito will be the perfectly cute age to participate as flower girl, or ring bearer, respectively.
In the meantime, here’s a picture of
my uterus the baby’s first headshot to sooth your worries.
Our lil chicken nacho or burrito has already ran a marathon, sailed to Catalina, and caused mommy to relive her bulimic collegiate years. Can’t wait to enjoy many more new adventures with our babes & most importantly hear it scream “Mommy! I’m hungry!!!”