A couple of weeks before Dakota and I discovered #babyBokota, we had our first tiff. In hindsight, maybe it wasn’t as much of a “tiff” as it was me having a pregnant-hormonal-driven dramatic episode, or as Dakota eloquently states, “100% of [my] actions are over-reactions.”
Dakota had arrived to the phase of our relationship where he was entirely comfortable farting in front of me. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good fart. It honestly didn’t, and usually still doesn’t unless they smell like a rotting corpse, bother me. When I was single, I preferred to lay in bed and fart all day than shave my legs to go on a date. However on this particular day, his farting in front of me meant he hated me. Our convo went something like this:
Dakota: ::huge fart::
Me: ::immediate tears:: You must hate me! Do you even really love me?! How can you say you love me when all you ever do is fart in front of me?!
Dakota: Baby, I’m sorry! Those are love farts! I don’t fart in front of anyone but you!
Me: ::still crying:: Well, I don’t believe you and it’s disgusting! Stop farting in front of me!
Dakota: I’m sorry, I won’t fart in front of you anymore.
Flash forward to a few hours later…
Me: Why haven’t you farted all day?
Dakota: You asked me not to.
Me: But you said those are my love farts so if you don’t fart in front of me, it means you don’t love me! Give me my love farts!
Dakota: No, I’m not doing it!
Then I started laughing and chasing him around the house trying to poke his stomach until he farted. It didn’t take long to push one out.
Here I sit, a day shy of 13wks pregnant and any lingering shred of bodily function shyness one may experience at the beginning of a relationship has more than disappeared. Dakota and I now engage in fart wars. He wins in the scent category for ripeness and I usually take the award for most creative score. We are such a
disgusting fun couple! Although I doubt anything we produce will compare to the shit piles we are going to witness from our pending chicken nacho/burrito baby. Remind me to put a hazmat mask on my baby registry.